Rachy

I'm feeling like I have very little control over my life at the moment. Things are happening that I don't really want to happen. I can see things getting better in the future but I want them to be better now.

Also I don't like feeling so unhappy when I'm by myself. Don't like the feeling that I need someone around for me to be happy. I thought I was over being co-dependent. Things for me to work on I suppose.

I've been learning some stuff about myself recently. The most worrying is my propensity to form attachments to people because of the way they make me feel. And I don't mean in a "He makes me feel happy" kind of way because that's what being in a relationship is about. I mean in an ego boosting, "he makes me feel pretty and wanted" kind of way. I don't like needing other people to make me feel good about myself. I do love being complimented. I don't like the fact that I form attachments on this basis and as a second thought "I want to spend more time with him because I want to get to know him better".

Ho hum. I shouldn't be forming attachments at the moment anyway.

It was my lj birthday yesterday. 8 years old. 8 years of my ridiculous thoughts and feeling. :D Happy birthday nutcake!

Having major self-esteem issues right now. I've been reading letters from my old school friend, Kathleen, and my old boyfriend, Ian. They were both really sweet people that I wish I hadn't let go. To this day the accidental break up with Ian frustrates me because I would love to know what we would have been like outside high school. He was the sweetest of all my boyfriends and reading the letters I find it hard to understand why anyone would feel the way he did about me. See what I mean? Self-esteem issues. I really wish I had someone in my life like him still.

So over my sorry life. Time for a change. Time to get off my arse, stop being shit scared and get a job. Time to be a grown up and get what I want out of life.

I don't blog here much, mostly because I assume there are more interesting things you could all be reading. I read my friends page all the time. I've fallen into the trap of twitter. It encourages succinctness. (nutcakeftw if you're wondering) I like being able to see where interesting people like Stephen Fry are at. :D

I got to cuddle a baby goat at the SPCA this morning. It made the cutest noises.

Saw the Star Trek movie last night. I think now I could totally get into Kirk/Spock slash. Spock rocked his bowl cut.

I can't quite understand why the SPCA have the right to take dogs, cats and any other pet out of neglectful or abusive situation and yet are powerless against chicken and pig farms where animals are kept in appalling living conditions. Who's my local MP? I feel like writing a letter.

My Dad took these photos while we were in Christchurch last year sorting out Nana and Granddad's apartment.







I took these photos today. I'm house sitting for my parents over the weekend.



His name is Bruce. He's ancient.



He had to have his ears removed due to cancer.



The swirling vortex of his earlessness.

My flatmate found a young hedgehog in a drain out the back today and brought it inside. He's very wobbly on his feet but he has had some water soaked cat biscuits. He's in a cardboard box in the room next to mine with a heater on to keep him warm. He keeps trying to climb up the side in a feeble attempt at escape. Might try and convince my brother to take it to the local SPCA and see what they can do for him. Poor wee mite.

Man this book better be good. I've waited all day for it to be delivered to find out it's been delayed. I want my vampire fix!

I ordered a copy of Twilight the other day. It should arrive tomorrow. I love vampire literature and young adult fiction seems to be a thing for me at the moment. Plus the guy on the cover/in the movie is hot. In my world hot teenage vampires (sure technically he's not a teenager but I bet he angsts like one) is a good thing.

Otherwise I have been doing nothing much. Got most of my Christmas shopping done. The Christmas plays at DC feel a little sloppy at the moment. We have the dress rehearsal tomorrow. I'm kind of looking forward to it being over.

I have pretty lights in my bedroom. I want more.

That is all.

I just put in the oven the most yummy looking ginger bread I think I've ever seen. It's a Nigella Lawson recipe and it has so much sticky sweetness in it. I think I'll be chopping it into little pieces. I wouldn't be surprised if people get diabetes just looking at it. :D

Are you frickin' kidding me? The United States and Australia both move to left wing governments and we move to a right wing?! I'm very disappointed.

SO, what's happening in my world.

Mum and Dad come home tomorrow after 7 weeks overseas. I'm very excited about seeing them again.

I've been playing a lot of World of Warcraft at the moment as it's Halloween. Lots of Jack-O'-Lanterns all over the place. A great way to get in the mood.

Today I made a tasty wrap with fish, capsicum, pesto and alfalfa sprouts. I'm thinking of trying it again without the wrap and it fell apart when I tried folding it up. Mmmm. The pesto makes the fish really tasty.

Back to it then.

Fuck this shit.

6:30 is far too early in the morning for a day of envelope stuffing.

WINZ makes me want to hurt myself.

I'm sure it sucks being a bus driver and getting shitty pay but cancelling all services for a day is just stupid. That is not the way to get the people's sympathy. I was looking forward to going over to Phil's place tonight but I have to be back in Kilbirnie tomorrow which means I either stay home and don't see Phil until Friday, or I go out and walk back to Kilbirnie in the morning.

This also means that many people will drive to work, great! :|

Happy Big Bang Day everyone! Has the LHC destroyed the world yet?

My Mum and Dad took off for Europe the other day. They're away for 7 weeks and I'm incredibly jealous. At the moment they should be in Switzerland visiting some family friends. They're coming home via Canada so they can visit my cousin/Dad's nephew and his beautiful French-Canadian wife and their new son. That will be happening in late October so I'm hoping they'll bring me back some cool Halloween stuff.

Taming of the Shrew went of nicely. There were some really good audiences. It was a lot of fun working with such an awesome cast. I really miss it all now.

Well I'm going to go back to playing WOW now.